Some special about marriage
What is special about marriage?Talk About These Six (6) Things With Your Partner Before You Ever Marry.
There are certain things that become big issues in marriages. And it’s best to discuss such things before getting into marriage. When you talk about these things, it helps to minimize their tendency of becoming catalysts of serious marital problems and eventual divorce.
1. Boundaries:
Discuss boundaries. Apart from marrital boundaries that you should talk about, you also need to talk about certain premarital boundaries. Talk about your decision to keep sex till marriage, if you subscribe to that principle.
Discuss what boundaries you both need to succeed at that goal. Go on to talk about actual marital boundaries. Talk about some petty things that you like or dislike. Open up and talk about how you will find it hard to forgive in case your partner cheats, if that is so.
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Now, having been raised by different people and from different backgrounds, you definitely have differences. Everyone has different enthusiasm for things. There are certain things you simply hate and there are other things you love so much. You may not talk about all, but try to talk about the ones that come to mind.
2. Bringing forth and raising children:
You really need to talk about having and raising children. As an incoming couple, you need to talk about how many kids you will like to have together; you need to talk about birth-spacing and probable birth control method; and, you need to also talk about how things are going to be like in case you are incapable of giving birth together.
You should be frank with each other, because a lot of things change when couples begin to have kids or when no kid is coming. So talk about childbirth; it’s very important. You should also talk about how you are going to raise your children and also the kind of training to be given to them. There are some parents who prefer to train their children the hard way and there are some who will like to give their children the maximum freedom.
Such parenting methods are sometimes influenced by the kind of training each parent received while growing up. There are people who don’t want their kids to go through what they went through, so they try to treat them like they wish they were treated —mostly with more freedom. For some parents, they don’t want to give their children any space to misbehave at all.
And sometimes, it is because of certain mistakes they might have done in their childhood, because of their religiosity, or because they believe that it is the best way to train a child.
3. Money or Finance:
Has any of you accumulated any debts? How will you like to disburse your incomes? Who pays for expenses? These financial issues need to be discussed. Even if in a jovial manner, you need to talk about it.
You should also talk about your individual career. What does each of you want to achieve? Is it possible for you to do some work together? Will your individual career affect your relationship as a couple? How about your kids, will it favour them? All these should be talked about before you say “Yes, I do”.
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4. Your religion and values:
There’s the need to agree spiritually. So, you should seriously talk about your religion and values. Though you may have some knowledge about each other’s religious [or denominational] affiliation, you really need to talk about that too.
Know what you are doing about religious differences, if there is any. The thing is, when couples belong to different religions or denominations or belief systems, it affects how they see things in marriage too. It breeds mistrust sometimes. For instance, your husband who attends a different denomination might always use a church meeting or service as an excuse anytime he comes home late.
How will you handle such an issue? Never think the religious difference is not a big deal when it comes to marriage, because it usually is. You both need to talk about it and apparently come to a consensus on what to do about it.
You also need to talk about your values. An associate professor of psychology, Kelly Campbell, PhD, regarding individual values in marriage, once said, “Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage.
They include: what you interpret as true justice; how you want yourself or others to be treated; how you feel about family; what you think of cheating, and even what you consider as cheating; how you like to communicate with others, and so on.
Most often, these values are different for two people who intend to tie the knot. And this is why you need to talk about them.
5. In-laws and people who are closer to each of you:
Talk about in-laws and other important people in each other’s lives. You should openly talk about the extent to which families, especially in-laws, and people in your individual inner circles are going to be involved in your marriage or marital issues.
Who are those who do or don’t have the right to be involved in your private marital issues? Who are some close friends or acquaintances you would like your partner to know they are dear to you, and why? Try to know the most important people in each other’s life.
You should both be familiar with the people in the inner circles of each other. Knowing about people who are close to each of you helps to avoid suspicions.
6. Future fights:
However, it will be for your own good to accept that disputes will always come up in your marriage from time to time; and one thing you can do now to make sure it is properly dealt with is to talk with your partner about how to handle such fights.
Discuss the fact that you will both need to attentively listen to each other’s view anytime a misunderstanding comes up between you in the marriage.
You need to let your partner know if you don’t like to be shouted at during disputes. Let your partner know also if you hate that misunderstandings at home be sent outside. Be open about it; and talk about how you would want fights, which will inevitably happen, to be handled.
Conclusion:
It is very beneficial to discuss these issues with your partner before getting married. Talking about them won’t guarantee a perfect marriage, but it has a lot of benefits. Such discussions help you to know and understand each other more.
It also saves the both of you from avoidable future misunderstandings. You might forget in your marriage to implement the things you talked about back before marriage, but talking about them now makes it easy for you to resolve disputes.
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Or at least, it gives each of you a fair understanding of how the other sees things, making it easier for the both of you to coexist. Actually, it pays to iron out these differences and to come to a consensus on them before you go into the marriage.
These discussions help to keep you on the same page. So, by all means, talk about them.
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