Make a beautiful........life
FACTORS TO CONSIDER BEFORE YOU MARRY WOMEN
There are many people that got married only because of love but are now regretting that decision. They were blinded by love but marriage performed a miracle on their eyes, now they can clearly see their mistakes.
What are these factors you need to consider before you marry?
1. Love
Because I said love is not an enough reason to get married doesn't in any way negate the importance of love in marriage. It will take a book to explain the criticality of love to marriage.
No marriage can survive without love. Anger, irritation, resentment, quarrels, frustrations etc., are inevitable when there is lack of love.
Love is one of the vital pillars that sustains a marriage but as we all know that one pillar doesn't sustain or hold a building, other pillars are needed.
Do you really love the person?
Does the person also love you?
2. Compatibility
Compatibility is defined as when two things are capable of existing together in harmony.
For two people from different backgrounds, upbringing, culture, strong marriage advice orientation, experience, education, philosophy etc., to live peacefully and in harmony with each other, they must be compatible.
Sometime ago, I wrote about these important areas you must be compatible with anyone you want to marry.
Let me highlight them here…
Spiritual compatibility.
Do your spiritual beliefs and convictions align?
Are the both of you born again?
Purpose compatibility
Is there an alignment in purpose? Are the both of you walking towards the same direction?
Mental compatibility.
Are the both of you operating on the frequency intellectually?
Some people are analogue in thinking while some are digital. Some are still operating with the mentality of the 7th century in the 21st century.
When you hear, "This is not how my forefathers and ancestors did it," that is mentality speaking.
Some men still believe a woman belongs to the kitchen and the other room.
Health compatibilityDoes your genotype, blood group and Rhesus factor match?
What is your genotype status? AS, SS, AA, AC, SC
What is your blood group? A, B, O, AB
What is your rhesus factor? +ve or -ve?
Personality compatibility
According to research a large percentage of what you do is influenced by your personality type.
What is your temperament? Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, Phlegmatic
Many couples are quarrelling and fighting today because they don't have this knowledge, they don't understand their partners.
So does your personality match?
Sex compatibility
Are your sexual orientations, education, exposure align with the person?
What's your take on oral sex, anal sex, BDSM etc?
What are the things you cannot do or accept wjen it comes to sex, do they align your partner?
Preference compatibility
This talks about hobbies or things that interests one.
Is there an alignment?
See, when there is disparity in any of these areas of compatibility, it may result in conflicts in marriage.
Lack of health compatibility is the reason why we have many children today suffering from Sickle Cell disease.
I know a couple that has lost 2 out their 3 children because of this sickness. And these are children they spent almost 12 years looking for.
Lack of health compatibility in Rh factor one of the reasons why many women are having miscarriages.
3. The Will of God
The will of God is another factor to consider before you marry anyone. What is heaven saying about this person you're considering? What is God saying?
strong marriage advice That is, some that God is pleased with and approves for you.
There is nothing like that.
4. Good character
These guys beat them blue and black, disrespect them and do all manner of things to them but they are still stuck with them.
This is how many of them end up getting murdered in cold blood. The same applies to some guys. So check for good character.
Because you love someone doesn't mean you will not check out his or her character. A person's character is who he or she is and that is what you will live with in marriage.
When someone has a bad character, no matter how much you love the person, my dear you will suffer.
5. Suitability
Water gets levels. Shoe gets size. Clothes get size and so do you when it comes to marriage. Everybody is not your size.
Even God understands this. In Gen 2:18 the Bible says, "The Lord God said, '“It is not good for the man to be alone. strong marriage adviceI will make a helper suitable for him.”'
By explanation, suitability means when something is capable, qualified, fit, proper, and appropriate for something.
You cannot put a squared peg in a round hole.
Love notwithstanding, it is not everyone that is suitable for you, your personality, your purpose, convictions, aspirations etc. Look for your size. Find your levels.
6. Agreement
Take for an instant, a feminist and a non-feminist, these two people are different in opinion, when it comes to submission, order and leadership in marriage.
If they are not in agreement in this area, what do you think will happen? I leave the answer to you.
You will be looking for an ambitious career driven woman and want to force her to stay at home, you're looking for trouble, Sir!
Lack of agreement will lead to conflicts, irreconcilable differences and if these are not managed properly, the continuity of the marriage will be under threat.
7. Yokability
In 2 Cor 6: 14 the Bible says, "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. Or what fellowship can light have with darkness..."
In Israel, the farmers have a practice of yoking two animals of the same kind, say two donkeys, together for the purpose of ploughing the ground for plantation.
The two animals that are yoked must be of the same kind. You can't yoke a donkey and a sheep together, you cannot yoke a donkey and a cow together. That's an unequal yoke.
Marriage is a yoke. It yokes two people of the same kind and with the same purpose together.
A believer and unbeliever is an unequal yoke because the both of them are different. They carry different natures and have different purposes.
Because of love, many zealous sisters got married to unbelieving partners, today they are nowhere to be found in the faith. Their husbands stopped them from going to church and rubbished their Christian lives. The same applies to some brothers.
When you yoke a donkey with a sheep together, there will be a problem. The donkey is likely to strangulate the sheep to death or the donkey may end up having a hunchback as a result of bending.
So ask yourself, can I be yoked with this person and there won't be any problem?
If you don't want to be strangulated to death or develop a hunchback, my dear look for your mate.
Your progress in life will either be accelerated or decelerated it all depends on who you marry.
So these are the factors you need to consider before you venture into marriage. No matter how much you love someone, if these factors are not checked, I bet you there will be problems.
Make your marital journey as easy as possible by getting it right from the beginning.
Now we see this how to make our strong and beautiful marriage relationship and a successful long distance relationship.
1. Keep God at the centre of your relationship:
Even though you both can’t go to church together, you can still share God’s word and pray together regularly. In fact, hubby and I had a day set aside for fasting and praying every week! We would pray concerning our future marriage, our children, our goals, our lives. We knew without His help, we would not make it through.
2. Communicate regularly:
Call your partner as many times as possible and convenient for you both daily. If the time difference is a lot it could make a huge impact on the relationship. In our case, there was about 11-12 hours difference! Despite this we would talk when I wake up, when he is going to bed, when he wakes up and when I’m going to bed! Lol! We just had to communicate somehow.
3. Prioritize your relationship:
If the other person means a lot to you, the major way you can let him or her know is by spending time with them despite your busy schedule. I was so busy in medical school and my husband was busy with his PhD but we had to create time to invest in our relationship so as to make it work! It won’t work automatically; you need to invest your time!
4. Maximise technology:
Use video calls as often as possible, they give you the feeling of being with your partner. Text back and forth too regularly! Oh, we would chat for hours! Keep in touch! Talk about your visions, your likes, your dislikes, your expectations, your strengths, your weaknesses, your future, talk about everything. Also, using this medium, do things you both enjoy e.g. sing together, review books, movies, play games, etc.
5. Listen with your head and your heart!
If you are going to marry this person, you need to pay attention to everything the person is saying. Ask questions, don’t just gist about irrelevant things. Do the answers match up all the time? Is your partner being sincere with you? If you are in doubt, speak up! You’ve also got to be sure your values and beliefs are compatible.
6. Keep in touch with your partner’s family:
You cannot be in a secret long distant relationship! Know his/her parents, siblings and close friends. Speak with them often and visit them if possible. Ask to speak to his/her friends, roommates, church members, pastor and pastor’s wives or leaders in his/her church. strong marriage advice This is for your own security, it makes your partner more committed to the relationship, and it makes you known in his/her circle of friends and family. Again, don’t be in a secret relationship for your own good!
7. You can be romantic in a long distant relationship!
Hubby and I used to send each other gifts across the oceans! It used to take about 6 weeks for my gift to be delivered but I would send him just in time for his birthday, valentine and Christmas every single year! Same with him, we surprised each other with gifts too sometimes. I remember a Valentine’s Day hubby planned a surprise with a gift company and got all sorts delivered to my room in Uni! Oh! I would never forget! Even though he was absent, it felt as if he was present! Spark up your long distant relationship!
8. Visiting as often as possible is advised:
Both of you should plan to do this. It’s always amazing to see the one you love in flesh and blood! It strengthens the relationship. For cross-country long distant relationships, this may not happen as often as you want but cherish whenever you can make it happen.
9. Trust is very vital:
If you don’t trust your partner, it would be difficult to be in that relationship! Hubby and I promised to share everything with each other even our wrongs! We promised we were not going to hide anything from each other and despite the distance, I could tell where he was every single time and same with him. This built trust between us.
10. Plan your future together:
Discuss and decide who will move or where you both are going to settle down. This could be very delicate as it comes with a lot of sacrifice for the person who will be moving but you’ve got to talk about it regularly to be sure it’s what you want in life and you both are on the same page!
I pray that you get it right in your relationship in Jesus name.
If you have been blessed by this, please feel free to share.
I hope you can agree with me now that love is not enough reason to get married to someone. strong marriage advice Tell me what you think in the comment below.
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